Oh gooooosh, so much was going on last week that I totally wasn’t capable of blogging. Here’s what happened:
I wrote my last blog article Tuesday evening, feeling super sad and sorry for myself. I haven’t felt that dark and unhappy for a long time and it threw me off entirely. The entire remaining week I felt like I live in a cloud or cotton wool: fuzzy in my head, removed from everything and somewhat fragile. I’m better, though, yeah!
Wednesday evening was our monthly pub quiz and while I didn’t feel like going out that night, or like interacting with people, it was a good evening with good friends. On Thursday I went to a reading. It was my first reading in yonks and I enjoyed it very much (my last reading was John Irving in 2005)! Sarah Kuttner, a local radio/TV host and author introduced us to her newest book, which partly takes place in Berlin, partly in London and Southern England, which really is my cup of tea. Her book touched me deeply and I need to read it entirely! Friday I had a quiet day of admin work and otherwise not doing much at all. The whole week I felt mentally and physically drained and I’m sorry for all the people around me. I must’ve appeared like a dementor to all of them. On Saturday a few friends and I took part in „Unterwegs im Licht“ in Potsdam, something like a light festival, where our historic city centre was illuminated and the art galleries and museums were open for free. So cool! If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you already saw some snippets of that. The evening ended with dancing to funk and disco music and I had a great time. Sunday I spent mostly lying around in bed or on the sofa watching stuff or listening to stuff… it was one of the best Sundays I had in a very very long time. Who would’ve thought? After this crappy week? Not me… Yesterday, Monday the 23rd of January, I did some design planning work and had tea with my bestie and a quiet evening watching „I’m a celebrity, get me out of here“. It’s my ultimate guilty pleasure trash TV show. So bad, yet so good! And with Twitter even more fun. My timeline is the funniest!
And today I’m visiting my friend in her goldsmith workshop to plan some upcoming stuff and later I want to go to the gym. I haven’t been in a week and my feet are itching to go on a longer run today. I hope I can pluck up the courage, because I’m not really good at going places by myself. I feel safer to either to go to someone or with someone. Anxiety is rubbish, I tell ya.
All in all I can say I definitely feel better. My heartfelt last blog entry really helped me to get it all out and I also spoke to friends and family about my sadness and I felt such a strong support which I’m very thankful for. What I learned is that it is good to do things outside of my apartment, even though I feel fragile. What I also learned is that the sadness I felt cannot instantly be replaced by happy feelings. It feels like the sadness lies deeper and it takes a lot of work and genuine happiness to feel „normal again“. I had an amazing weekend, but I still feel fragile and vulnerable. Here’s to feeling like myself again! I will work for it.
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